A Trip To A Mountain
Chapter1
I
Chris woke up next to Jane in his bed in his own apartment. Jane was his long time girlfriend and they lived together although Jane still had her own apartment as well. Chris looked like an ordinary young lad; he was 6’2”, athletic, he had short dark brown hair and blue eyes. Jane was about five inches shorter than Chris, she had blonde hair that reached her shoulders(usually she had a pony tail) and she had a slim, well toned figure which made her quite attractive although her facial features were that of a normal girl-next-door.
Although Chris sometimes felt uneasy about weather she truly was loyal to him heart, body and soul he still would’ve trusted his life in her hands. He felt all warm and fuzzy inside every time she told him how much she loved him and how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.
Chris got up and put his worn blue jeans on(equipped with a brown leather belt). Jane was still asleep and he didn't want to wake her up. He walked to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. For the first time in a while, he didn't somehow like what he saw. He felt completely bored with his life, his goals and most of all, himself: he felt useless. “This'll blow over...it always does.” Or so he told himself as he always did when he felt like this. For some reason this time he didn't quite believe himself. This time it felt a lot worse and he thought he'd get crushed under the weight of that choking feeling of realizing that your life and all your pursuits don't matter at all. His thoughts were interrupted as Jane stumbled into the bathroom. “Step aside!” She knelt in front of the toilet and threw up. “Will you please make sure I'll never drink again?“ She asked. “Ah, we both know you will drink and smoke as soon as the sun gets up.” “Fuck you.” She threw up again.
Then there was Daniel. He had gotten up early and was doing his astanga exercises. Daniel was a 22 year old university student studying theology. Although he never failed to do his homework and go to the lectures he dedicated most of his free time to spiritual growth and yoga. He spent 25 minutes a day sitting in a half-lotus position meditating. His mind, however, wandered around the new gym bag he'd bought with which he wasn't quite satisfied and of which he was a bit uncertain weather it truly felt like his own or not. He had practiced meditating for four years now. He also prayed a lot and usually there was a heavy smell of incense in his apartment. He also spent atleast an hour a day reciting some sutras. He was very spiritual.
Eddie on the other hand, was still lying in his bed alone thinking about this and that; nothing too deep that would mess up his head (for too much deep thoughts can make you crazy) but definately nothing superficial either (he was definately not one of those ordinary people). He was currently without a job and he also wasn’t really in any school but he had enrolled to a dream interpretation course at the open university. He liked sleeping a lot. He was thinking about dedicating more and more time to sleeping in the future so that he could more thoroughly inspect the near-magical world of dreams. His ambition this week was to be able to sleep indefinately in a dream world he could control at will. He was planning on writing an essay about dreams. He'd just first eat a nice breakfast and watch the morning TV series and then he'd start working on the essay on his laptop whilst chatting with some buds.
Sam had gotten up early and was quickly running out of time getting ready for school(a drama school)...the bus wouldn't wait. She felt that she was always running late. After her theater group's practice and her part-time work as a waitress in a nearby restaurant she just was too tired to pack her back bag in the evening. She usually just walked in, kicked off her shoes and fell into the bed and was fast asleep before she could say there and back again.
Stanley was already cursing under a truck he was repairing in his current part-time job as a car repair man in a gas station. He felt like his fine skills of a future diploma engineer were being wasted under dirty trucks and rusty cars. He had to get up very early most of the week and when the weekend finally did come he usually drunk himself into oblivion to forget the unfinished school work and the courses he was going to fail. When he wasn't drinking he spent the remainders of his weekends sleeping and sobering up for work on Monday.
II
Chris, Jane and Eddie were already sitting in their regular meeting place, Joe’s Café. They were waiting for the rest of their "gang". Sam was running late as usual; the final rehearsal of her theater group had lasted longer than she'd expected. Stanley was finishing up at work and would probably make it half an hour later as had been agreed. He at least was very precise and took pride in being a specimen of integrity when it came to meetings. Daniel would arrive within 15 minutes from school. He had a theology exam this morning.
As people drifted into the café, chit chat and small talk seemed to be the order of the day. Finally even Sam arrived huffing and puffing after running most of the way not wanting to be anymore late than she already was. As they all had sat down at their favorite corner table they made their orders and waited.
The air was filled with smoke from mentholated light cigarettes. The sofas and chairs had a certain dark green shade to them and the tables were made of dark cherry wood. The whole atmosphere of the café was like that of a dark and miserable forest.
Their capuccinos, espressos, mineral waters and light cherry cokes were finally brought to the table. As the waitress had left them Chris leaned forward looking more serious than usual. “Listen guys, I’ve been thinking lately…you know, about life and our goals and everything…” He slowly drew breath to add drama to what he was about to say. Chris was always very dramatic “…and I’m going to go to the Mt.___ this weekend. I want to get rid of all the troubles and worries and get my life together…you know?” Everyone remained quiet as if urging him to go on. “I think it might do us all good. A very deep spiritual experience.” Now Daniel looked very interested. “So, anybody wanna join me? Jane is coming…” Daniel took a sip of his mineral water and said in an almost comically loud, clear voice “I’m in.”. “Well, I guess it’d be something refreshing.” Sam said and shrugged. Eddie and Stanley remained quiet. Then they looked at each other and nodded “We’re coming too.” And thus it was settled; they would go shopping for travel gear together next morning. It dawned to them that somehow, magically all of them just happened to have a free day tomorrow (Friday).
Chris and Jane were the second to arrive; Daniel was already sitting in front of the store (Dickey’s Hunting And Fishing) meditating. As he saw his friends he got up, greeted them and they entered the store. Chris was the most dominant persona of the three of them so Jane and Daniel pretty much trusted his judgement when deciding what to buy and what not to buy. Most of the time he was down to earth and practical. They all bought good hiking shoes, a first aid kit, some flares, a small axe, a hunting knife(which had a compass and some matches inside the handle) and light one-time-use raincoats. They already had sleeping bags and cooking gear. As they were paying on the counter Stanley and Sam stumbled in. “You done already?” Sam asked. “Yeah, we waited for some time but then we thought we’d go ahead since you hadn’t come yet and your cell phones were off or you were out of range.” Chris said. “Umm, yeah, I over slept; we had theater practice yesterday night.” Stanley had already gotten a large gas lighter with which to make camp fires, some fishing equipment and black hunter’s boots. Sam got small hiking sandals, a flashlight, mosquito poison and some “traveler’s snack bars: no carbs”. Now Eddie walked into the store looking his usual self: still sleepy, unkept and like he was about to start whining about something again. “Hi guys. Man, I’ve got a terrible hangover! I drunk like…like 12 fucking glasses of scotch last night.” “Uhhuh.” Chris nodded although none of them believed Eddies drinking stories because every time he supposedly drunk a lot there somehow were never any witnesses. He also talked absolute rubbish about things he didn’t know anything about just to impress people but he rarely succeeded in doing so; the only thing with which he impressed people was his stupidity. Eddie bought a pair of bright yellow hiking shoes that were on special discount: “Man, these shoes are fucking great! I once saw these being sold for like, like 500$ or something…”. The discount price was 10$ and the real price had been 20$. They were cheap and they looked cheap but flashy so Eddie tried hard to convince everybody that he had gotten the best possible hiking shoes on the planet. He also bought a lot of “Super fuel endurance snack bars: lots of energy”. When all of them had done their shopping they left the store and each went to their separate ways after having agreed that they would meet tomorrow in the same place at the same time because Dickey’s Hunting And Fishing was right next to the forest which surrounded the mountain they were about to climb.
III
Chris and Jane went to Chris’ favorite café named Lilly’s. It was always full of college students and the glass walls made it look very cheerful during sunny days. The menu included delicious cakes and donuts in there and Chris always enjoyed himself immensely in there. As they had made their orders and sat at a table next to a window Jane opened her laptop computer. “What are you doing?” Chris asked. “Just checking my e-mails…”. She often chatted with other men via e-mail and although it seemed innocent enough Chris didn’t like it much as he very well knew that the men flirted with her online and she with them. Knowing that his girlfriend was probably talking about sex with other men right now made Chris lose his appetite. As the waitress brought his donut he ate it quickly as if to get rid of it as soon as possible. It seemed tasteless. “Damn it’s gonna be fun tomorrow.” He tried to get a conversation going. “Yeah.” Jane just kept typing to his buddies as she called them; a bunch of horny men staring at their computer screens for hours a day just dying for some attention from a girl. She always felt good being the center of online worship. The trend was to be sexually open so most of her “buddies” were bi and Chris loathed them for it. He didn’t hate gays or real bisexuals but pretenders who were willing to do anything to appear cool and fashionable in the eyes of the supposedly anti- pop people. Most of them also subscribed to modern pacifist ideals (although none of them hesitated to use mental violence especially against Chris if he got on their nerves in chat rooms) and they scorned sports and athletes and thought of them as plastic people who only thought about their image and looks whereas they themselves were true intellects; after all, they were sexually open pacifists who enjoyed writing low class poetry about suicide and self mutilation. None of them knew anything about the theoretic aspects of writing poetry.
Finally she put away the computer and turned to Chris to say something but was shocked to see her boyfriend look angry and frustrated. “Oh, don’t start with this again!” She said. “All those guys are dicks! What do you need them for?”. “They are my friends Chris. And I won’t listen to you call them names.”. “I’m going.” Chris said and started to gather his things. Jane seemed panic “Honey, don’t go! I won’t talk to them for a while. Ok?”. Chris stood still but finally nodded and sat back down. Jane moved next to him and hugged him. At first he didn’t react to it but then he returned the hug and all was just like before.
On the way back to his apartment Chris insisted they stop in the nearby weapon store. He wanted to look at some folders there. “Good day, what are you looking for?” The clerk was an older man with white moustache. “I’m looking for a nice folder that’s easy to conceal. Any suggestions?” “Well, I’ve got these Emerson’s and Benchmades here…what’s your budget?” “I’m looking for something in between fifty to a hundred bucks.” “Well, try this Spyderco here.” Chris felt the blade. He liked it a lot. “I’ll take this one. What’s the model?” “It’s a Delica. Good choice. I have one too you know.” Chris smiled at the old man and took out his wallet. As he walked out of the shop still smiling Jane asked him “What do you need that for? We already got a knife.” “Yeah, but this one’s for personal protection.” He winked to Jane. She shrugged thinking Chris had wasted his money but didn’t say anything. They walked back home and spent the rest of the day watching TV and preparing for the trip.
IV
Again Chris and Jane were the first to arrive to the meeting spot. Chris was wearing dark green army pants (his new Delica was in his left pocket), a black t- shirt and a pair of dark brown/black leather hiking boots which had hardened toes. Jane was wearing black cotton pants, a tight pink top and brown leather hiking boots. Both of them had backpacks, Chris wore a dark green fisherman’s hat and Jane had a black baseball cap.
They were standing quietly in the parking lot waiting for their friends. It was a good day for travelling; cloudy and comfortably fresh. They saw Stanley arrive in his van. He was wearing blue jeans, a red t- shirt and a red baseball cap with a Budweiser logo on it. He was wearing regular, white, worn sneakers and his back pack was dark green; it was so small that it seemed to contain nothing but what was absolutely necessary or even less…along with a 0,7l Jack Daniel’s of course. “Hi.” He said as he lit a cigarette and joined Chris and Jane. Daniel came with his bicycle and locked it securely to a lamp post. He was wearing some kind of orange and white clothes that were very loose and looked almost like silk. His backpack was also relatively small considering the trip they were about to make. He walked over and greeted them and even made a slight bow like some yogis do after mediating. The bow and other such antics made them think of Daniel as a little childish and just a tad foolish at best. But at least he was always honest and almost never said a bad word about anyone. Soon Eddie walked to them from behind the store. His new yellow discount hiking shoes looked ridiculous but he seemed to be proud of them. He had blue jeans and a long sleeved Iron Maiden(his favorite band) t- shirt. “Morning. Sam’s late again?” Eddie made a somewhat loathing sound. Chris, Jane and Stanley liked Sam much more than Eddie but they didn’t want to start any fights just before their journey. Now they heard someone running towards them and it was none other than their dear friend Samantha. She was wearing her new hiking sandals, expensive looking purple jogging pants and a dark green top. Her dark brown hair was open and she had purple shades covering her pretty blue eyes. She really knew how to make herself look good. This time, however, she looked exhausted and her breathing was rapid. “Sorry I’m late; we had…” “Theater practice, right?” Eddie said in a rather unfriendly tone. Samantha didn’t reply but looked guilty. “Forget it Sam, let’s go!” Chris always hated it when Eddie tried to get on Sam’s nerves for no apparent reason.
Chapter 2
I
They started towards the forest and the sun peeked from behind the clouds. They were all quite cheerful and before long the last rays of light had faded behind them as the tall pine trees surrounded the party. They talked merrily and enjoyed the fresh air and all of the life that surrounded and filled them as they walked amongst wild life. After two hours of walking they stopped for a light snack and a sip of water. Samantha and Eddie ate their snack bars while the others settled for regular sandwiches. “Do you mind if I meditate for a while?” Daniel asked as they sat there resting after their meal. “We should carry on soon. I’d wish we’d come out of the forest before the sun goes down.” Chris said. “Just for ten minutes then? Ok? Come on, ten minutes isn’t gonna solve anything!” Daniel was getting upset; spirituality was everything to him. All the gurus said that one should meditate daily without fail. “Fine, fine, meditate. Ten minutes.” Chris snapped back at him. He was a bit of a control freak; if things didn’t stay in schedule he got nervous and lost his good mood. Stanley and Sam talked quietly about Dostoyevski’s Crime and Punishment, particularly the main character Raskolnikoff. Ever since the beginning of the trip they had become closer than before and spent most of the time talking and laughing together. Chris, Jane and Eddie played poker and joked about something they had seen on TV yesterday. Daniel wasn’t doing too well with his mediating. The voices of his friends irritated him greatly and finally he stood up quickly. “Can’t you be quiet for a minute!? Let’s go, it’s getting late!” Nobody replied anything but they all secretly thought to themselves that Daniel was being selfish.
Soon the road through the forest started going uphill and the party were sweating as the air seemed to stand still just like before a thunder storm. They had walked for three more hours when Eddie spoke: “Let’s take a break, ok? My feet are killing me.” “Come one Eddie, we have to keep moving if we want to get out of the forest before night.” Chris urged them on. They walked for half an hour more when Eddie stopped again. “I have to take a break, I think my blood sugar is low.” “Just eat one of your bars and let’s carry on.” Stanley said. “I have to save them. Can’t we just stop and sit for a while?” “Is five minutes enough for you?” Chris asked. Eddie didn’t reply but sat down next to a nearby tree. The others stopped and sat down somewhat reluctantly since they still had a long way before reaching the mountain. “At least now I can meditate for a few minutes.” Daniel said smiling. He always knew how to make the best out of all situations. His cheerfulness helped cure the atmosphere somewhat although the others were just waiting to get on with their trip. Chris waited for Eddie to get up again but he just sat there saying nothing and five minutes had already passed. After ten more minutes Chris stood up. “Let’s move on.” Daniel made a bow before getting up. Now during their walk Chris noticed that Stanley and Sam were spending quite a bit of time in each other’s company. He felt glad about this; finally a pair both he and Jane liked. For a long time Chris had wanted to go out on a double date but they just didn’t know any pairs with whom they both got along. He told Jane about his observation and she too was thrilled about it. “It’d be so cool if Stanley and Sam got together.” She whispered to Chris. Eddie and Daniel walked behind the rest of them each in their own thoughts…actually Eddie seemed pissed off about something while Daniel looked rather calm as he was probably thinking about prayers or gurus or his up coming trip to India. “Yo, Chris!” They stopped again at Eddie’s call. “When are we going to get out of this goddamn forest?” He asked irritably. “I don’t know Eddie.” Chris replied. “Why?” “What a waste of time…” Eddie whispered. “What?” “My feet hurt like hell and I can’t go on anymore soon!” “We have to go on!” “Well I can’t! These shoes are the wrong shape.” Chris was getting upset too, he had thought that they would reach the mountain by sun down. It was seven a clock now and they were still deep in the forest. They had come close to the mountain once but a small river or a large stream had blocked their path and no road led by the river so they had had to turn back and find another road to the mountain. “Eddie, we can’t keep stopping every half an hour! And even though we could rest for ten minutes it wouldn’t help your feet! They would just get sore again!” Eddie seemed angry. Everyone was now staring at him waiting for a reply. Then he shouted “I know!” walked back a few steps and sat down facing away from them. Somehow Chris pitied him and his stupid yellow shoes. He looked at the others and they seemed to feel sorry for Eddie too; he was just too weak for this. Then he had an idea: “Eddie, your shoes are shit. You can’t go on like that, you’ll ruin your feet. But we have to carry on. We could make you some stretchers or something…” Eddie didn’t say anything. His feet didn’t really hurt that much. He would’ve liked to get some sleep. He hated this whole trip! It was just a stupid mountain with no deeper meaning! He had to write an essay about dreams. Here he couldn’t sleep as well as in his own bed! Still, what would his friends say? They’d think he was a quitter and a loser. As the last thought run through his mind he got up. “I can go on if you carry me.” After a while of considering Chris, Daniel and Stanley each took ten minute turns to carry Eddie on their backs. They didn’t get far this way, however. Soon all three young men were exhausted of carrying their friend. “Eddie, we can’t go on like this.” “Let’s go back then.” Said Eddie eagerly. “No! We can’t go back now!” Chris said. “We’ve come this far and we won’t turn back! I won’t!” “Me neither” Stanley said and Daniel nodded too. Eddie had been slowly pacing back and forth as Chris spoke. “Eddie, let me see your feet.” Daniel said all of a sudden. “What?” “Just take off your shoes and let me take a look at your feet, if you’ve got blisters I can heal them.” Eddie had started to untie his shoelaces before he realized what was going on. “No! Are you accusing me of faking? Or what?” He shouted. Now Chris stepped forward too. “Take off your shoes Eddie.” Stanley also looked intently at his friend, the same one he had been carrying out of pity until his arms and legs had shaked with fatigue. Eddie had no other choice but to take off his shoes and show his feet to Daniel. “You don’t even have blisters! I have blisters! What are you complaining about?” “What!?” Jane and Samantha stepped closer to take a look. They were all shocked but Samantha was seemingly angry. “How dare you take advantage of your friends like that!? Why did you make Stan and Chris and Daniel carry you?” Eddie couldn’t look them in their eyes. “I guess I was just tired.” It is always rather unpleasant when you’re caught cheating. Chris looked serious. “Are you coming with us now that your feet are alright?” “No, I can’t go on anymore, I’m tired!” Jane stepped forward “You can’t stay here either! Why won’t you come with us?” Eddie just shook his head and made a sort of a dismissive gesture with his hand. “Eddie, I’m tired of having to drag you along all the time! If you don’t want to come with us then stay here until we come back or go home!” Chris was once again losing his temper. Eddie didn’t say anything. He just put his shoes back on and sat down. Daniel got up. “Well, we’re going. Do as you wish.” Their party carried on and Eddie was left behind. He sat still for a while thinking about how miserable he felt and how the others had wronged him. Then as he realized God wouldn't strike his wrong doers down and that all he would get from remaining still were mosquitoe bites he got up, grabbed his backpack and headed home.
II
None of them liked Eddie very much and perhaps that was the reason they all secretly felt sorry for their departure with him. After all, in a way he was just too soft for stuff like this. “Do you think we did the right thing not to turn back with Eddie?” Chris asked the others. He seemed concerned if he had been too cruel. “Well, I think we have the right to finish this journey…for our own well being, you know?” Daniel said. Everyone nodded. “I actually feel sorry for him having to turn back.” Jane continued. “But still, he acted stupid and what he did wasn’t fair.” Replied Samantha. They all agreed and that made them all feel a bit better about themselves.
The sun had started to go down coloring the sky orange. Chris was glad that there were no clouds visible at the moment. They were following a new path now and it was heading straight towards the mountain. “Whew, I sure hope we get out of the forest soon; I could really use a break!” Samatha said. “Yeah, I’m getting a bit tired too.” Stanley was quick to support his friend. “I know. We’re all tired.” Chris replied. “But let’s try to make it around that last corner over there; I think the forest ends there or atleast we'll be very close to the mountain.” They all gathered their remaining strength and walked on as if in a hurry to see what was around the corner ahead. Finally they passed the pine trees and, as the road turned to the left, they saw the mountain right in front of them. They had gotten out of the forest. “Yeah man!” Daniel exlaimed. The whole party was all smile; it felt good having achieved an ambitious goal. “Let’s put up our tent so we can finally have some supper!” Stanley was always quick to act and he knew his way around a camp; in high school he had hiked a lot with a local group of wannabe adventurers. Samantha and Jane started to work with the food while Stanley, Chris and Daniel put up the tent, lit the camp fire and fetched water from a nearby spring. They had dried fish, dried bread and tea made of herbs. For dessert they ate some of Daniel’s dried fruit. Nobody wanted to talk much; they were all too hungry to think about anything but eating. Having finished they washed the dishes and packed up what was left of the food. “Um guys, you think we should have one keeping an eye on the fire and the camp as others sleep?” Chris asked. “Sure, we can take one hour shifts; the girls can go first and last.” Stanley looked quite energetic after having had some food to eat. “Jane! You want to take the first shift!?” Jane and Samantha had been whispering on the other side of the fire. “Jane!” “What?” “We take one hour shifts to guard the camp while the others sleep; you wanna take the first turn?” “Eh, sure. Okay!” Samantha took the last shift while Daniel took the second, Stan the third and Chris the second last. Nobody wanted to stay awake more than was absolutely necessary because they were dead tired. Stanley and Samantha had already gone into the tent. Chris sat next to Jane, talked to her for a while, kissed her good night and went into the tent.
III
Daniel didn't bother to go to sleep so he sat next to Jane by the fire and decided to chat a little. “So, how’s it going with Chris?” “We’re ok. There are troubles in every relationship you know.” She said with a sad smile. “He seems like a good guy though…” “Absolutely! I love him.” For some reason Jane seemed a bit troubled. “Anyway, how’s your life? Found a nice girl yet?” She winked at Daniel. “Nah, I’m still single. This way I have enough time for spirituality. Usually I feel like that’s all I need but there are times when I’d like to be able to…you know, just to lay in bed at night…with someone. Knowing that she loves me and I love her…you know?” “Sure.” They were quiet for a while as Daniel put more wood into the fire. It made quiet sparkling sounds. “How long have you two been together now? Ten months?” “Eight.” She yawned. “You must be really happy together; you seem like the perfect couple.” Daniel smiled at her. “I don’t know…” Jane noticed a strange glance in Daniel’s eyes. It went away immediately but she noticed it none the less. She realized she shouldn’ve have been so careless with her words. “I mean, we get along great, you know?” Daniel seemed a bit worried now although he tried his best to hide it. “He loves you very much. When we’re hanging out with the lads you’re almost all he talks about.” “Something bad of course.” Jane smirked. “No, he’s always going on about how perfect you are and how he loves everything about you and so on. I think he’s quite serious about your relationship…” Daniel had unknowingly lifted his left brow while his eyes were fixed on Jane. “Oh…” Suddenly she was out of words. She couldn’t find anything to say. “Are you still keeping touch with that guy…what was his name…Billy, right?” Daniel was now angry for some reason. He felt like his friend was being betrayed although he couldn’t explain why exactly he felt this way. “My ex? Yeah, we talk on the phone from time to time. What’s the time?” Jane felt anxious. She wanted to get rid of Daniel as soon as possible. “It’s seven to twelve. Go to sleep, I’ll carry on from here.” She was glad to notice everyone in the tent was asleep. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now.
Daniel sat in mediation throughout his shift. Still he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. He fell into a sort of a light day dream; he saw himself standing in the dark clearing but all of his friends were gone along with the tent and the camp fire. Then he found himself standing in a brick red room. There were two doors; one straight ahead and one to his right. Different men kept walking out of the room and through the other door without noticing him. Then he walked though the brown wooden door ahead of him and entered another room almost identical to the first one except that this one had only one door. There was something else too: an old man was sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of the room and Jane was sitting in his lap completely naked. She was smiling irritably; like she despised all the men around her. The old man smiled lewdly at her. She fondled the old man’s dark green wool blouse. Then Daniel noticed another, far younger man standing naked in one corner of the room. He looked almost like a handsome, young body builder and he didn’t say or do anything but from time to time Jane walked to him and ran her fingers on his muscular arms caressing him. Then she sat on the old man’s lap again and put her arms around his neck. The man let out a laugh that sounded very harsh in Daniel’s ears. Then he saw Chris enter the room. He looked mortified. Chris started to shout in panic “What the hell are you doing!?” Then he turned to the old man “You’re my father, how can you do this to me!?” The old man stood up, patted Chris on the shoulder and said “I understand” and walked away still smiling. Now Chris yelled at the still naked Jane “How can you do this to me you idiot!? I love you!” Jane’s despising smile turned into an angry face as she screamed “You’re the idiot for letting all this happen!!!”
Daniel woke up with a jerk. He had fallen asleep and now his shift was almost over. He felt terrible about the dream; it had had such a suffocating, heavy atmosphere and when Chris had enetered the room Daniel had almost bursted into tears for feeling so sorry for his friend. He took a small book out of his back pack; Zen Flesh Zen Bones. He read it every time he felt uneasy and it always comforted him. This time, however, he didn’t find comfort in it; he managed to somewhat forget about the feel of his dream but he still felt uneasy. He walked into the tent and quietly woke up Stanley. Before he sat down he looked at Chris’ face as he slept. He looked like a little boy who had fallen asleep next to his new toy; without troubles or worries and fully content at what he had beside him. Daniel lay in his sleeping bag but it took a whole of fifteen minutes for him to fall asleep. The uncomfortable pressure haunted the rest of his dreams although the theme was different.
Stanley couldn’t keep his eyes open. He finally gave up after ten minutes and walked to his back pack. He dug out an unopened bottle of Jack Daniel’s, took a large swig and carried it with him to his post. After five or six mouthfuls of Tennesee’s finest he had brightened up noticeably. He was still very tired but atleast he managed to keep his eyes open and his thoughts had started racing due to the effects of drink. At first he had thought of nothing but how nice it would be to get some more sleep but his thoughts had went back to the same thing he had been thinking about for weeks on end; Samantha. A short while ago it had suddenly dawned to him; there was a kind, intelligent and a very beautiful single lady in their tight knit group of friends! He definitely had a crush on her. She seemed kind enough but he wasn’t sure wether she was interested in him romantically too. They had indeed gotten closer to each other during the trip but…but what if she just wanted to be friends with him and he’d ruin their beautiful friendship by trying to hit on her? He couldn’t bare the idea of not being close to her; atleast this way he could be close to her every day. But then again this situation was so painful! Would she say yes? Or would she say no? If she said ‘yes’, he’d be the happiest man alive…a ‘no’ would mean the end of the world, momentarily atleast. This torment had to end! He would ask her tomorrow. Come what may but he couldn’t stand any longer not knowing what she would say; it was better to be denied happiness than to not know.
He took another sip of whiskey and stuffed the bottle back into his back pack. He had taken more than five swigs, less than ten. He wasn’t anywhere near drunk but it had gotten his blood (and thoughts) flowing. There was still fifteen minutes remaining of his shift so he sat back and put his feet towards the camp fire. The warmth felt so soothing against the cold air of the night. He felt sleep coming over him but he forced himself to sit up and stay awake. This way he wandered on the edges of consciousness seeing short visions of Samantha from time to time until his turn was up and he woke up Chris.
An owl watched them as they switched places. Stanley had already gone to sleep as Chris was still standing in front of the tent. He saw the owl sitting on a tree branch and their eyes met. The weirdest feeling came over him as he looked into those yellow eyes. Somehow all his troubles and worries fell from him like rags as he stood there looking in the eyes of the owl. Then the animal blinked once and disappeared amongst the dark trees. The moon was slowly going down. He sat down cross legged at the fire with his mind empty. Then little by little thoughts started to come back into his head and he felt the magic of the night slowly wane and eventually disappear behind the trees along with the moon. Then he thought about Jane. That perfect little girl he cared for so very much…loved. Yes, he loved her deeply; perhaps more than any other girl before her. Still, there were times when he felt she didn’t quite feel the same. Sometimes she seemed to be more interested in her other guy friends than Chris. Another thing that bothered him was that she wouldn’t tell him what she talked about with her friends and she’d get angry if he asked. She wanted to know about every conversation he had with other girls and he was always more than glad to share but it didn’t feel fair. Then a question came up in his mind “what could possibly be so secret she didn’t want to tell her own boyfriend?” He heared a bird fly past their camp as his mind uttered those terrifying words. A great wave of mental fatigue seemed to sweep over his mind. All of his good feelings were drowned in doubt and fear of the greatest betrayal a woman was capable of. Then he merely sat there staring into the fire. He felt all joy had suddenly escaped him. For a while he played with the idea that he ought to kill every other man on the whole planet; then he’d have Jane all for himself without having to worry about being betrayed. A smile caressed his lips. Then he remembered one of his earlier relationships. It had been a younger girl and she had once asked him what he thought was the basis of a relationship. He had never thought about htat before and he had almost paniced when suddenly a single word just came up in his mind. He answered ‘trust’. How true it was! But alas, his and Jane’s relationship seemed to have very little or no trust between them. Jane had told him she trusted him. She probably did. After all, he hadn’t given her any reason not to. He couldn’t say the same about her. Their mutual life was so perfect but…how long could it go on if there was no trust? No, he wouldn’t end their relationship weather there was trust or not! He couldn’t bare the idea of losing her, his life would end. Then what should he do? He decided to carry on just like before. Then he got a very uncomfortable gut feeling that he’d end up getting seriously hurt in this relationship. He wiped the thought off his mind and tried to remember all those wonderful moments he had spent with her in and out of bed.
As he sat there thinking of the nice things about their relationship time went by and soon Samantha crawled out of the tent. “Isn’t it my turn now?” She asked rubbing her eyes. “Yeah…I don’t think I’ll go back to sleep anymore. I’ll go get some water from the river.” Chris got up, grabbed two buckets and walked away.
Although she was still a bit sleepy Samantha felt she had rested well. After arranging her hair dark hair she sat down and waited for Chris to bring the water. She thought the trip quite refreshing so far apart from the break up with Eddie. The sun was coming up; it was going to be a fine day. Soon the others would wake up and they’d eat some breakfast and then go on with their trip again. And she’d get to carry on the conversations with Stanley. She had found out that although on the outside he seemed to be rather ordinary, in reality he was quite an intellect. And not bad looking either! She just wasn’t sure at all weather he was interested in her too. What if he’d reject her? Their newfound friendship would be pretty much ruined. He was so easy to talk to, he was such a great guy. Sure, they would remain friends even if he'd turn her down but that’d be it…or perhaps even the term ‘friends’ was too strong. Even if he’d feel the same way, would they be a good couple? How would they get along in a deeper relationship? He did seem nice enough but…there was always a ‘but’.
Samantha decided not to do anything drastic, she would just carry on with the conversations and perhaps flirt a bit but nothing more than that.
IV
As Chris walked back to the camp he saw Stanley and Samantha talking together and laughing. They looked so happy when they were together. They would make an ideal couple!
Then he saw Daniel sitting in mediation under a nearby tree. For some reason he didn’t look quite as calm and concentrated as usual. Perhaps he hadn’t gotten enough sleep. Chris looked and looked but couldn’t see Jane anywhere. She was probably washing in the little stream that run close to their camp. As he put the full water buckets down and walked to their tent to get his tooth brush he saw Jane still sleeping inside. He felt a bit stupid; Jane getting up in time? To freshen up? For herself? Perhaps if she thought the occasion important. For him? Yeah, right. She was usually the last to get up and often she’d skip brushing her teeth in the morning. Chris would’ve liked otherwise but he thought these things all too minor to even think about. Well, he did think about them and they bothered him from time to time but still he figured them of so little importance compared to their magnificent relationship that he just pushed the thoughts away.
He woke her up with a gentle kiss to her forehead. She opened her eyes looking a bit confused but her face melted into a smile when she saw Chris. How he loved her smile! It was like the sun shining upon him, it always seemed like a grand reward for something good he’d done. “Morning Jane, my love.” “Morning honey…do we have to get up already?” She yawned. “Everybody else have gotten up already, we’re waiting for you.” “Ohh…couldn’t I sleep a little bit more?” “I don’t think so love.” Chris said gently. “Alright, I’ll get up…how can I feel so tired?” She yawned again and stretched her hands above her head as she sat up still in her sleeping bag.
Chris walked out of the tent hoping that she wouldn't embarass herself and him by falling asleep again making everybody else wait for her. He walked around some trees to the nearby mountain stream to wash up a bit. He knelt beside the little stream and put his hands in the water. It was very cold, almost freezing but somehow so refreshing and so soothing. He inhaled the watery air that rised from the stream. Then he washed his face and got up feeling more awake than in years. This was great!
Daniel came around the trees. He looked tired and just a bit lost. "Hey Dan, my man! What's up?" Chris walked up to his friend. Daniel yawned. "I dunno. A bit tired to tell the truth." "Wash your face in that stream, it's great." "Yeah, sure." Just as Chris was turning to return to their camp Daniel spoke. "Hey Chris..." "Yeah?" There was a long pause as if Daniel was thinking weather to say something or not. "Um, I've been thinking...like for a while now..." Another uncomroftable pause. "You know, about Jane..." Chris's heart seemed to whince every time some other man spoke her name. "What about her?" There was nothing friendly in Chris's voice anymore. Daniel looked as though he was having severe abdominal pains. "You...I don't wanna get mixed up in anything you know..." "What?" "Well...have you noticed anything...different about her lately?" Daniel looked up to his friend like a shy puppy who doesn't quite know weather he's going to get beat or patted on the head. "What are you talking about?" "I mean...things ok between you two?" "Dan, what are you aiming at here?" Chris was starting to sound agressive. "It's just that...I dunno, she somehow seems more distant than before...you know?" "No. How?" In reality Chris knew. He knew damn well that she had changed in the past few months and he didn't like the change. In fact, he feared it, feared it more than a gang of thugs on a dark alley. Perhaps that's why he had closed it out of his mind and that's why he denied it even now although he knew exactly what Daniel was on about. "Don't take this the wrong way...I mean...she somehow seems to be more and more by herself or, like text messaging with her friends...or like...even in the cafe; she has started to bring her laptop there and while the rest of us hang together she just writes e-mails and stuff...?" Again that look. "Well..." As much as he hated it, Chris had to admit that all that Daniel had said was true. "Yeah, I've noticed that. But I think there's nothing wrong with that; she just has lots of friends. I'm cool with it." Yeah, like hell I am. Chris thought. Jane's growing obsession with her virtual friends was actually very annoying to him. Often she'd stay up until five o clock in the morning chatting on the internet with her friends. She even had new nicknames Chris had never heared of; "just irc-stuff, inside jokes" she called them. And although he tried hard to convince himself it was all just innocent, pure fun...he couldn't escape the haunting feeling of being shut out of such a big part of her life. During his weak moments he felt like the feeling was slowly but surely consuming him. "Oh, okay. I just...so you're ok?" Daniel asked. "Yeah, all's great." Chris's voice sounded just a bit too cheerful. He turned and walked back to the camp.
Chris felt his heart pounding. Why was he cheating himself? Why was he cheating others? Why didn't he have the guts to face reality? Fuck reality. That's it; fuck reality! I live my life like I want and this is the way I want to live it; with her!
Well, so he thought. In the real reality (which seems almost always to be atleast somewhat painful) he believed he ought to do something about these problems but the time wasn't right; he'd just wait a little longer for the right moment and then he'd deal with every little problem imaginable. An odd melancholy feeling came over him as he walked back to their camp; as he saw his friends doing their chores, preparing the breakfast, putting down the tent and so forth. They seemed so distant, so...they just didn't have a clue, did they? They had no idea what he was going through. Still he accepted the possibility that maybe, just maybe other people had problems too and that, unlike the others, he was just too weak to put up a happy face albeit the inner turmoils raging within. This thought affected him like a whiplash; he? Weaker than these wankers? Never! He braced himself mentally, took a deep breath and walked to the now extinguished fire smiling to himself.
Daniel just stood there after Chris had left. He felt numb. Somehow this seemed wrong; Chris should've realized immediately what he was talking about: the path of righteousness was the only way! Why not take it then? Perhaps...perhaps he was just mentally above Chris. Sort of, on another level. All his friends seemed to be on another level. A lower lever perhaps? Maybe. But atleast they didn't quite seem to understand or see the things quite like he did; Daniel felt his vision to be exceptionally clear and sharp when it came to seeing things that were not visible to the naked eye. But of course that was to be expected; he was on the path of spirituality, on the path of self realization, on the holy road to true understanding of the pure. The others were more interested in more ordinary matters like money and stuff.
And yet he felt empty inside. Like a ginger ale that had gone flat. Oh why did he even bother? Chris didn't want to hear about it and Jane would do what she wanted; she always did. Why should he care? Why should he ruin his spiritual well being for something the very people he tried to help didn't value? After all, even the bible tells not to cast pearls to the swine for they won't understand their value. Instead one should concentrate on oneself, to become strong and to stay pure true to the path of self development.
Thus finding new resolve within his thoughts Daniel washed his face and mind in the cleansing waters of the mountain, let his face dry a bit in the sun and in the cool morning wind, and returned to the camp.
V
They all ate their breakfast silently. It seemed this morning was a good one for thinking. The camp was taken down in a very business like manner and while nobody was in a particularly foul mood they all were struggling within their own minds. They were all exceptions; chosen ones and great perceptors of the truth. In fact, they were the humblest masters of thought ever to appear on the face of earth. Nobody was quite like them; they had their own problems, their own thoughts, their own views of life and their ups and downs. Just like everybody else.
Chapter 3
I
They stood facing the road ahead of them. The terrain was still relatively easy but soon it would get more difficult because the mountain which they were climbing was steep. "Ok, let's go." Chris started walking and the others followed his lead. For the majority of yesterday they had walked on open ground but there was a still larger forest ahead of them now. It wasn't a nice looking summer forest like the one on the very edges of the mountain; this one was a dark and thick looking pine forest. But no rest for the wicked, right? So on they trod and as their feet started growing weary their minds begun to quiet down. Soon, as always is the case with long lasting physical tasks during which you have to push yourself a bit, their heads became empty and for a while nothing existed but the road under their feet, the mountain which showed itself only when they raised their heads, and the forest which loomed ahead like a visit to the dentist.
Samantha hated dentists. In fact, she hated everything that had something to do with being ill. She was always very nervous in hospitals. It wasn't quite clear to her why this was so but she had grown to accept the fact that she dreaded anything aquianted with the word "medical". That same feeling of awkwardness she experienced within the vicinity of medical centers made her feel that this morning she couldn't bother to worry about Stanley. She was thinking about something much deeper. That being her own life. Things were a bit odd; she was studying to become an actress and she had never had so much fun and joy in her life but could she support herself like that? Could she support her future family by acting? What about putting together a family? When would that happen? Surely in years to come but she was all too young now. Still the studies were going to take three years off her life so was it worth it? Was married life really for her? Strange questions indeed; even frightening. Yes, frightening and very, very difficult. But hadn't some wise person some time, some place said that artists didn't plan their lives beforehand? That artists lived for the moment and tried to capture it in their art? And being a would be actress she also was an artist, right? How comforting that sounded! No nagging questions, no responsibility! The hell with the questions; things would work out some how. They always did. So, to fate and to God it was; out of her hands, out of her head.
She breathed deep and filled her lungs with sweet irresponsibility that had embraced her from the very beginning of her life thanks to good parents and good looks. She had always had lots of friends; afterall, she was very pretty and decently intelligent and that's a sure fire combo to become popular in school. Popular enough that is; she had never been "the girl" but she was perfectly content with how she had done. Although she always had someone to talk to, someone to call, yet from time to time as she lay alone in bed after a night (and usually a morning too) of wild partying she felt like something was missing; a grand big part of a puzzle she was yet to solve. What was it? She could never quite put her finger to it. Even if she had found some guy in a bar and had spent the remainder of the night fucking, still she felt lonely as she lay awake next to the toy. Sure, for a while she felt very happy and cool about herself but in the long run she had started to feel different. Her little sister of fifteen was already doing the same things; drinking, smoking and having sex. She was happy for her; she had just gotten used to the taste of life itself, of those things of which the whole lives of men and women consisted: work and hobbies were always there, they were like the food we eat and the air we breathe but parties...parties were where Samantha felt truly alive; hanging with her friends, dancing to the beat, enjoying colorful drinks and the drooling looks of hungry guys. But still she felt something was amiss. Had it always been like this? Atleast she hadn't felt like this before. Perhaps it had always been there; the need for something more. But until now her lusts had been satisfied with weekend (and sometimes mid-week) partying. This new feeling of emptiness which took away some of the glory of having fun might have always been there but it wasn't until now that she had started to notice it. Sure, when she wanted she could rid herself of that nagging feeling by drinking herself to oblivion but she didn't feel like doing that too often. And when she didn't, that feeling of emptiness seemed to grow and fester within her. What was it? What was missing from her life? She couldn't tell. By God she couldn't tell. Oh right, speaking of God; to fate and to God, out of her hands, out of her head!
II
Speaking of heads, Stanley's was starting to get messed up. Like the other travellers, he too was thinking about his life, his achievements and his future. He hadn't combed his hair this morning. Sometimes he felt like a second rate human being, a second rate student, a second rate friend, a second rate everything. This was one such occasion. Not only did his left foot hurt for some unknown reason but he had a pounding headache he suspected he had gotten from the sun. What was he doing here? This was supposed to be a spiritual experience and yet Stanley didn't feel anything near spiritual. He felt sweaty, frustrated and a little ill. What good was all of this? Alteast for him? Nothing so far except for Samantha. And even she felt unusually distant this morning; she just kept to herself even thought he had tried to get some conversation going. Had he done or said something he shouldn't have? Or had he failed to say or do something he was supposed to? Or was their discussion just some form of entertainment for her? He had taken it seriously. Yeah, that was probably it; she wasn't the least bit interested in him romantically but just wanted a steady good friend by her side and that's exactly what he felt he was. Alas!
A darker cloud passed over his eyes fogging his thoughts even more. What did he think he was doing? Studying to become a diploma engineer? Yeah right, he didn't even attend the classes anymore. How was he supposed to cope with the ever nearing exams? He wasn't. That's how. He was doomed to be a car repair man for the rest of his life. Then again, if he'd really try to ease up on the drinking and put more effort into studying something might happen. But would other people like the change in him? Would Samantha still like his company? He was doing so well right now and he didn't want to fuck things up.
