Näin aatoksi minulla on taas tarina. Tällä kertaa hieman ficin puolelle kallsituva. Pahoittelut mahdollisista kielivirheistä ja kaksiosaisuudesta. Liian pitkä teksti.
A long time ago, in a galaxi far far Harad, there was a young Padawan looking forward to become an Elven Jedi. His name was Legoluke. Currently he was under training of a famous Master Jedi, Goda, who had a slight personal disorder and wanted sometimes to be called Yollum.
For several years Goda kept Legoluke under extremely hard and difficult physical, mental and intellectual training, including not only skiing in swamps, playing chess and running up and down the stairs listening to “Gonna fly now”, but also doing good deeds and performing acts of kindness. During that period of time he also learnt to master various kind of weapons, like elven light bow and arrows, elven light blades, and the most powerful of all, the power of mind and knowledge.
When the dawn of the last day of Legoluke’s training montage broke, he thought he was supposed to complete some ultimate test of heroism. But it wasn’t so. Instead Yollum came to him and said:
“We arrre now very close to be a trrrue Elven Jedi, aren’t we, my Padawan. But we have still one moorre piece of knowledge to learn to be able to completely control our powers, yess my Padawan.”
“What is that, master?” asked Legoluke eagerly
“42”
“What about 42?”
“That is the piecce of knowledge we just talked about, my Padawan. Now we arre an Elven Jedi, yess we arre, my Padawan. Good luck to us all, what ever paths we may take.”
Legoluke had decided witch path to take long ago. He was an orphan, for the forces of evil had attacked his village when he was but a child, and his parents had been slain. That day he decided to revenge for his parents and some day destroy the forces of evil, and that was the main reason he had decided to become an Elven Jedi.
Now that he had finished his training he headed back to his hometown to find out more about his enemy. There he met old and poor man, who had fought against the darkness himself, but hadn’t been able to prevail, and now had to live quietly and hiding from the enemy. He was Qui Gan Dalf, once famous jedi himself, but grown old long since and his physical abilities were no match for the forces of darkness. But there lay a great wisdom in him.
From Qui Gan Dalf, Legoluke learnt a great deal about the enemy. First of all, he was not facing some abstract evil atmosphere spread among the people, but very a dangerous and powerful character called the Darth Lord Thrauder. Goda hadn’t told him anything about the darkness spreading in far Harad, for Yollum was a pacifist and considered the Elven Jediness to be an art and important and beautiful in itself, not a tool in perceiving one’s own ambitions.
The elder Jedi told Legoluke, what kind of warriors, weapons and war machines the Darth Lord had in its use and what kind of strategies they used in different battle conditions. And the one thing Legoluke had waited for so long to hear, was the location Thrauder kept his quarters, the Moth Star.
And as the name of the place suggests, it was swarming with moths, who were the most significant servants of the Darth Lord. There were Moth Star Troopers, Uruk Moths and plenty more, all having their places in the society fo evil.
After countless days of wandering Legoluke met a funny character, who would ruin the possible films made based on this story, Jar Jar Binks. He was not bad, nor good, and he has a great part to play yet in this story.
Jar Jar Binks had once had the knowledge about 42, but forgotten it since and was now trying to get it back for all costs.
Jar Jar remembered it like yesterday; it was his birthday and he was celebrating it on a dinner with his best friend. After few glasses of most extraordinary red wine, his friend said he knew the greatest secret there is, though he really knew no secret at all. Jar Jar commanded his friend to tell it to him. His friend refused.
“I command you! Tell it to me, as a birthday present!”
“I already gave you a present.”
Jar Jar asked many times, but his friend couldn’t tell it, of course, because, as was already said, he didn’t know it. Suddenly Jar Jar became furious and started to strangle his friend and shouted:
“How many times I have to ask this: Tell me the secret!”
“42” whispered his friend, for it was true. He had counted the times Jar Jar had asked the question.
Jar Jar Binks’ friend died in that incident, and there was not a day Jar Jar didn’t mourn his death. But Jar Jar had got his secret.
Now, this weird fellow noticed right away that Legoluke was an Elven Jedi, and that he could get back the information he wanted and had forgotten. So he offered to help Legoluke in order to some day reclaim the great piece of knowledge he once had known.
Legoluke and Jar Jar Binks started towards the Moth Star, for Jar Jar had a clear vision of the route there. They walked over hill and under tree and at last they came to the edge of a forest. There, under a tall oak, Legoluke saw something wrapped in linen cloth.
It was a baby. He went to a baby and then Legoluke said: “whou left u her lil wan?”
Then the baby just cried and then Legoluke picked her up and then the baby stopped crying. And then Legoluke said: “ur neame iz gnoig 2b Leia.”
Meanwhile, the Darth Lord made his evil plans.
Twenty years later Leia grew up and was kidnapped by some people. Leia was tortured.
Meanwhile, Legoluke decided to rescue Leia.
Meanwhile, the Darth Lord continued making his evil plans.
Then Legoluke saved Leia and said: “They tortured you and gave you posion.”
“Yes, how did you know that?”
“They did the same thing to me when I was your age.”
And then Legoluke and Leia fell in love with each other and got married.